1 year post college and 6 months post marriage ahhhhhh!!!
June 2, 2009
Well hello again… it’s been a while. This is going to have to be short, I don’t have much time. So… I was thinking recently that i’ve reached a point of needed reflection. I’ve been out of school for a year and i’ve been married for 6 months. I mean, wow, where does the stinkin time go? The other day I was thinking about what my life was like 5 years ago. And I suddenly felt a little sick to my stomach. My life 5 years ago was not pretty. It makes me cringe to think about. In fact, the past five years can be characterized as me turning from pitiful patti to… stable Allie. These past five years God has steadily been changing me. From the age of zero till about 17 I was the silliest, goofiest girl everrr. Then when I moved for the first time my senior year of highschool life changed, and I changed with it. For the first time in my life I didn’t feel accepted by anyone and I certainly didn’t feel loved. As far as I knew no one cared who I was. No one wanted to listen to what I had to say. It was devastating. But I kept it in and it took a toll on me. I became extremely insecure. I have some serious scars from that last year of high school, and its taken the past five years of continuous neosporin to heal them. There are very few people who I can relax around and feel the freedom to be me, silly allie. Everyone else in the world, well, thats been a challenge. Whenever someone said anything to me I would analyze it to death and always assume the worst. Talk about miserable. Yeesh. It’s not fun to always be worried about other people, and what they think about you. Actually, its a sin. It’s self-pity. I couldn’t do anything about it on my own though. I needed people. I needed them to love on me and not stop. I needed to believe in God, in his word, and in his promises. I needed to believe that the only opinion i needed was His. The only image of myself I needed was Christ’s. These realities of Jesus are becoming so true in my heart. I have not done anything to earn it but Christ has given me security in Him. For the first time in my life Jesus is more important to me than what anyone thinks of me. My boss isn’t a christian and she finds lots of opportunities to label me a goody-too-shoes and poke fun of anything she can conjure up. Normally that would totally hurt my feelings, ruin my day, and ruin my job. But I don’t care what she thinks of me. I know truth, and truth is that her words don’t define me. Resting in Jesus frees me up to love on her despite how she talks to me. In some ways I feel like i’ve made it. But what’s humbling is thinking that five years from now, i’ll cringe thinking of myself now.
On a lighter note. The bakery job is going well! I like playing with sugar all day and I love the girls I work with. I’m catering manager what what! There are lots of things i’d like to see change with how the business is managed. But its still in its beginning stages so i’m hoping things improve with time. The other day my boss sat me down for a progress report and told me my sandwich speed could be a little faster. Apparently I don’t cut bagels fast enough. I told her I would focus on that. Later that night I did a little online job searching… sometimes I don’t feel like this job is worth it. But all in all, its great, I can’t complain. Lots to say about marriage but i’ll save that for another time.
Annnnd… we made carmel apples!!!!!!
